Something mundane happened last week. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it held remnants of the sublime.
I’d stopped by Costco to buy a bouquet. My colleague had just returned from vacation, it’s spring, and I felt like having a bit of it in the office to celebrate. Running late, I almost didn’t take the time. But in the end, decided it was worth the extra 30 minutes.
Back at the office, I unwrapped the flowers from their swaddling clothes of tissue and cellophane, my colleague looking over my shoulder. What I found was not what I expected. The flowers, looking so pretty from the top of the tightly wrapped bouquet, were browning terribly around the edges! They looked at least 10 days old. I was crushed.
“They’re okay,” my colleague said resignedly. That did it. I headed straight to my office and picked up the phone.
As the phone rang, I realized it was more than the disappointment of purposefully taking time out of a busy day to get flowers only to find them half dead. The previous three times I’d purchased flowers at Costco – roses, to be exact – they’d drooped after a day or two and never opened. The closed buds tinged brown ended up in the trash. I could see them lying there. The wilted spring bouquet was the last straw.
On the line, a young woman’s voice answered; I briefly told her what happened. She gasped an empathetic “oh no,” then told me she’d transfer me to someone who could help. Another young woman’s voice greeted me; I told my story again. She too was sorry, and said of course I could return them. That’s when I explained the real issue of consternation.
I’d already made time to stop at Costco and didn’t have any more to spare. I didn’t want to drive back, with the flowers or not, and wait in the refund line – no matter how friendly or quick. The woman then asked “What would you like?” I considered. Actually, I knew exactly what.
“Ideally,” said I, “I’d like someone from Costco to drive here and bring me a new, fresh bouquet. Now, I know that’s probably impossible, so second best would be a refund over the phone so I don’t have to come down there, remember to bring my receipt, stand in line and all that.” She was doubtful about the phone refund. After some discussion, she suggested that I speak with the manager and see what he would do. “Perfect,” I said.
In a moment, I was explaining for a third time, this time to a young man. He too immediately aligned with me, and we had a similar conversation to the one I’d just had. And then he asked the question again: “What would you like?”"
Emboldened by the time before, I told him my ideal scenario – fresh flowers delivered to my office, as well as the backup option of a phone refund. I also repeated what I didn’t want and why. His reply surprised me.
“Actually, it’d be easier for me to bring you new flowers…” - he was thinking out loud - “…and I’d like to get out of the warehouse for a bit. Where’s your office?” I told him and he became more sure – “yes, we could do that. Now, what flowers did you get?”
My colleague, who’d been listening to this exchange from her office next door, was stunned. Within an hour she and I both had pretty bunches of fresh tulips on our desks, which we selected from the box of bouquets brought for us to choose from.
This was an extremely happy ending. And needless to say, my faith in Costco has been fully restored – even moved up a notch.
But the experience goes beyond our mere happy ending. There are some useful lessons mixed in among those posies…lessons about customer service, but also about life.
On the “Offender’s” Side:
1: Align with the offended. Really. Listen to their complaint. Don’t take it personally. No matter what. Then genuinely empathize with their experience.
This is one of the hardest things to do – especially the more the offended is blaming you. But really, the offended’s issue is theirs – it’s been brought to you to help remedy it. Moving away from the offense to how to solve it is done quicker if the offended feels empathy.
Each of the three Costco reps totally agreed with me that wilted flowers were a nonstarter, which meant I didn’t need to convince them of my position but rather could start solving it.
2: Offer some solutions. If they don’t work, ask the magic question: “What would you like?”
The power of this question surprised me. I felt it operate inside me like a magic potion. Think about it – when someone asks you this question, really asks, can you resist? As my mind played out exactly what I wanted, in full living color, I felt my energy shift. Tightness melted into ease, breath dropped from chest to belly, all as I imagined fresh flowers being delivered to my office.
Next time someone is upset, try asking and watch what happens.
3: See if you can do what’s being asked. Get creative. If you really can’t, offer up something good or better from what you’re able to do. And if that’s a non-starter, offer to move it up the chain.
Again, all this must be genuine for it to be meaningful – and people can tell the difference.
On the “Offended’s” Side:
1: Don’t “settle” or “make do.” If something needs to be rectified, clearly state the issue. Keep emotion out of it, as much as possible, but be direct.
This too can be challenging – especially if you’ve stored up previous grievances, like I had with the roses. But keep in mind that offense is rarely intentional. So, the more dispassionately the offense can be described, the easier it is to begin doing something about it. (If you’re just in need of a good rant rather than a solution, call a friend or your mother.)
2: LISTEN for the reaction. And not just to the words, but to the intent. Check your gut: does it feel genuine? If yes, proceed to 3. If not, ask to be transferred UP.
3: Offer options for how the “offender” can remedy the situation, being sure to give a range, including your IDEAL solution. Also, be clear about what will NOT be acceptable. If asked the magic question (“What would you like?”), go for the gusto and consider yourself blessed. But if you don’t get asked, you can simply ask it of yourself!
So, go ahead, in an area that has long bugged, frustrated or annoyed you, ask it: What would you like?